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One of the main themes in my life for 2009 was learning to break ties with people. When relationships cease to be functional, healthy and happy, sometimes they need to be over. I can think of  several relationships that ended this year that I frankly, obsessed over until they were finished.

With both of those relationships, I just got to a point where I dreaded those two people. I’d obsess over them like a bad ex-boyfriend to Mark and my roommate Deborah, until they too, got sick of the drama. When I decided to end those relationships I made some rules for myself:

1. No more contact.

That means I unfriended them on Facebook, Twitter and even added them to my “Do Not Answer” contact on my iPhone. Unless they physically accost me, I do not talk to them at all. Ever.

2. Stop talking about them

I’m obsessive. If you know me outside of this blog, I’m sure you read that sentence, laughed and then agreed with me. I have trouble letting go of things, particularly bad things and I end up obsessively discussing them with anyone who will listen. When I broke ties with those two friends, I told my closest friends not to let me talk about them any more. I also let it be known that I didn’t want them to mention them to me, that any conversations about them would be ended promptly. Anyone who perpetuated the drama, would be cut out in a similar fashion. Pretty much everyone was okay with this. Thank god.

This process made me realize that I need to be more honest about my relationships with people  and made me realize that I had a lot of friends, that were really not friends in the end. It was some pretty crappy soul-searching stuff but it had to be done in the end. The end result was that I felt like I eliminated a ton of emotional clutter and got to concentrate on the awesome friends that were in my life. I can’t say that I recommend this process to anyone, it’s pretty awful, but I do like the end result of ending the drama cycles in my life.

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I read entirely too much to be able review each one, so here’s a list and the ones that I put in bold are the ones that I really liked. Also, these are the ones that I remembered reading, when I search  my shelves at home I’ll add more.

White Witch, Black Curse – Kim Harrison

Georgiana Kingcaid series (books 3 & 4) - Richelle Mead

Vampire Academy (books 1-4) – Richelle Mead

Dark Swan Series (books 1 & 2) – Richelle Mead

The Queen’s Bastard – CE Murphy

Vanished – Kat Richardson

Naamah’s Kiss – Jacqueline Carey

Sunshine – Robin McKinley

Walking Dead – CE Murphy

His Majesty’s Dragon – Naomi Novik

Thone of Jade – Naomi Novik

Rampant - Diana Peterfreund

Unclutter Your Life in One Week – Erin Rooney Doland

Broken - Kelley Armstrong
No Humans Involved - Kelley Armstrong

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In the world of the internet, it seems that everyone likes to do these yearly wrap-ups and I am definitely one of those. If you have any suggestions of media that I should have picked up this year, let me know. I’m always interested!

Audiobooks

The Graveyard Book by Neal Gaiman

(via Audible.com)

Neil Gaiman’s  The Graveyard Book was my first book of the New Year and probably one of my favorites. Read by the author, it is the story of Bod, an orphan raised in a graveyard by ghosts after his parents murder. Despite the fantastical elements, it was a story about growing up and moving out of the safety of your family into the wider world. I know that Gaiman is acclaimed for his adult books ( American Gods. Sandman) but to me, his understanding of the complexities of adolescence is truly exceptional. Most “young adult” novels forget to respect their readers and forget that most young adults deal with tough issues in their short lives. I definitely enjoyed this book, and recommend it to anyone needing company on a long commute in 2010.

from JulieKenner.com

Tales of  Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom (books 1-5)  by Julie Kenner

Orphaned and raised by the Vatican, Kate Connor spent the majority of her life hunting demons until she settled down, got married and moved to the suburbs. Then, things got really complicated. While the title is campy and definitely a spin off the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, I found the first five books of the series to be lighthearted and frankly fun books to listen to on my long commutes to and from work. Most of Kenner’s book seems to fly in the face of the majority of the “urban fantasy” genre that publishers have been pushing – the sexy, badass female with lone wolf tendencies and a wardrobe of leather clothing. A nice change from the dark, leather-clad fantasy I’d been reading in 2008.

via PC Cast.com

The House of Night Series (books 1-6) by PC Cast and Kristin Cast

Zooey Redbird’s biggest problem at the start of the series was an upcoming geometry test that was going to fail the next day. On her way to her locker, she is Marked as a vampyre and sent to an elite boarding school for fledgling vampyres. Overall the series is well-written, the teenagers are realistically written (thanks Kristin Cast!) and it’s cool to see an author use Cherokee mythology as a basis for their world building. However, my main concern and the ONLY reason why I don’t recommend this book to teenagers is that there is heavy use of the word “slut” by the narrator in reference to herself and some other female characters, mostly the devious Aphrodite.  Definitely a fun, interesting read that should be treated with caution.

I’ve read probably about an audibook a week for a year and didn’t keep the best track of them, but these were the standouts that I read. If I remember anymore, they’ll be up on my Good Reads page.

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So, the very interesting Adam P. Knave has posted a challenge to the internet asking us to write 30 emails to the people we love this month. So, for the next thirty days, I’ll be writing an email to a different person. I am really kind of nervous, so their letters will be publicly posted to my blog, instead of sending it.

We’ll see how it goes!

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I love, love my job. Being a teacher is the best job on EARTH and I feel sorry for the people who aren’t teachers. However, there is one thing that I absolutely hate about being a teacher – everyone thinks that they can be a teacher.  Right now, with the bad economy, I get emails from friends who want to know how to get into teaching now that their primary career has fallen through.

I sort of want to challenge them to a duel – pistols at dawn and to the death, for such an insult!

Teaching isn’t the sort of job that you just decide to do one day. Every single teacher I know, had some sort of moment where they decided, “Heck yes,  I want to be a teacher.”  For me, it was being in Bill Casey’s World History class in tenth grade and learning about ancient Greece. I decided at fifteen that I was going to teach tenth grade World History and no one would stop me.

If I could, I would love to beat up people who say, “those who can’t do, teach.” Uhh. Not so much.  I wake up every day at 4:30 in the morning, drive an hour and arrive at school to begin meeting with students for tutoring at 6:30 in the morning. I stay after school until 4:30, sometimes even later, to get my work done.  Then, I drive an hour, only to go home and do more work – call parents, make lesson plans, update my classroom website, tutor students over instant messenger, reply to emails. It’s not the sort of job that you can set down when the bell rings – if you can do that, you’re doing it horribly wrong.  Teaching requires patience, responsibility AND being a little crazy.

Not to mention, that as a teacher, I am under constant scrutiny by my students, parents and the community. Log on to any news site and if you search “teacher, facebook” there are dozens of articles about a teacher getting fired for photos of them drinking or even simply having a public Facebook.  As a teacher, you have to always be responsible and above reproach, no matter what.  One slip up can cost a teacher their entire livelihood, create a national scandal and ruin their lives. I can think of very, very few professions that require such strict guidelines.

All of this sounds like a downer, but really, I like knowing that I am the sort of woman that my students can look up to, who is of good character, responsible and trustworthy. Rocket scientists and rock stars are quite glamorous, but they don’t get the privilege of seeing the next generation grow into fantastic adults.

So the next time you even think to say, “those who can’t do, teach!” Remember, I’ll find you and duel you with pistols at dawn.

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Last night, I was at my retail job and met Mark while on my 15 minute break where he learned an ugly truth about me, his future wife. I’m an early adopter and quite proud of it. He’d bought me this flyer about the Nook from the Barnes and Noble that he haunts when I work at the mall. I squealed with glee and began chattering like an idiot about it until I uttered the fateful words, “I can’t wait to pre-order mine.”

Mark stopped and said, “I can’t believe that you’re an early adopter” in a tone that suggested I was considering becoming a cannibal or shaving my head.  (Okay, exaggeration, but he was pretty shocked.)

We had  conversation about buying first-generation technology. Maybe it’s because I used to work at Apple, but I have no qualms about buying new technology.  The only reason why I am not a smug Kindle owner, is because I didn’t have the cash when the Kindle was first released.  Also, the other thing? I just didn’t think that the Kindle, with it’s black and white screen, was better to read on than my iPhone.  Also, I can sing “take a look, in a Nook” to the tune of the Reading Rainbow theme. Beat that Kindle!

Do you all out there hold back your purchases until a generation or two has gone by with a product? Are you like me, and gleefully pre-order, excited to play with your new gadget? What are your thoughts on the Nook?

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I HAVE A WEDDING DRESS!!! Okay, sorry for the capslock action, but I am seriously excited about my wedding dress. It’s ivory, has a little bolero jacket and POCKETS. Now, I can tote around my iPhone, which honestly, was a worry of mine. Seriously.

Where did I find the dress of my dreams? La Raine’s Bridal in the Virginia Highlands. I went there this afternoon with my parents (cue the “awwing” like on Saved by the Bell) and worked with the completely fantastic Jenn.  As I tried on dresses, and eventually found “the one” I learned few things about how to pick a wedding dress.

Rule no. 1 Be decisive. If you don’t love it the second you put it on, don’t bother.

Rule no 1. part b. Wedding dresses take ages to make and get fitted, so the sooner you order it, the better. I was last-minute finding mine in October, when the wedding is in JUNE!! Wowza! Dad says that on “Bridezilla” that’s when the drama really starts, when the wedding dress doesn’t fit right or it isn’t finished on time..

Rule no. 2 Don’t marathon dress shop, pick a place or two, make an appointment and don’t try on a ton of dresses. After 30 minutes and about eight  dresses,  I was definitely overwhelmed. I can’t imagine the frustration and annoyance of brides who try on four hours!

Rule no. 3 Avoid asking to take lots of photos unless you’re going to buy your dress from the shop – kind of dodgy!

Rule no. 4 Take the suggestions of the person helping you, they fit dresses for a living and will be honest!

I am incredibly, incredibly happy with my dress and with La Raine’s – if you’re an Atlanta bride to be, please check out La Raine’s (and ask for Jenn)!

NB: Maaaaad props to Lindsay Christerson who suggested La Raine’s to me. Thanks hon!

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What the what? La Raine’s Bridal was suuuper cool and read my last post about my wedding dress and freaking linked me on their Facebook page! They’re pretty awesome people, to read my silly little blog.

Anyway, Friday afternoon, I met up with my fantastic friend Juliana Finch and we bought my wedding dress. It turns out that it’s by a Canadian designer, Paloma Blanca, who operates out of Toronto. If you’re incredibly curious to know what it looks like, check out style number 4004 on their website. I also added a cute little jacket so I won’t have bare shoulders in church. I’m incredibly excited about it. And the pockets. Did I mention the pockets? I can keep my phone and my camera on me! I am totally going to Twitter my wedding.

After the dress was ordered, Juliana and I went out to dinner, to have some much needed girl time. For those of you who don’t know Juliana, she’s a singer, writer and newly engaged (with a house!). She’s probably the only person I know who is busier than I am. Anyway, as always, we talked about everything and nothing at the same time. One topic we did talk about was how being engaged suddenly brought every former boyfriend or flirtation out of hiding. Mark even had an ex-girlfriend from high school add him on Facebook to chat him up about his engagement.

I’ve come to realize that these people popping back up at the advent of my engagement, isn’t about their wish to like, pull a Graduate and take me away. It’s about trying to reconnect to someone that you used to know at an important time for them. Overall, while the emails, instant messages and Facebook messages are odd but carry sweet messages. It seems that they just want to look back on a time where we really knew each other and with some cases, we inseparable. I don’t have any regrets about these relationships, even some of the really crazy ones because they got me here.

I’m actually sitting here on my bed waiting for Mark to finish getting ready for a Halloween party, the same party hosted by our friend Bobby where we met a year ago last Saturday. When I showed up to that party, I was with my friend Daniel and texting Will, who I was half in love with at the time. Who knew that I’d meet my husband that night? I was actually in the middle of swearing off relationships. Daniel is a good friend even now and I frankly don’t care for Will at all anymore.  No bad feelings, but I just really don’t like him.

I owe those people a great debt since they helped me grow up and decide what I wanted from life. Looking back, I feel pretty guilty at how many people I must have hurt in a quest to figure out what I wanted, without really thinking about anyone else’s feelings. When I’d get dumped, I’d just be mad and not realize how hard it must have been for the other person to make that decision.

I have some people that I would love to email, but I’ve been putting it off – how you reconnect? Is it even possible? Or it it a selfish idea?

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Well kids, it’s finally happened. I’m getting married. I still look down at my left hand and grin at my ring, at least two or three times a day. For those of you who haven’t stalked my Twitter, I am getting married to my boyfriend Mark. I am incredibly excited to get married to my best friend. It’s okay, I know we’re disgusting, you can cue the fake puking noises.

Oddly enough, the prospect of being married isn’t what initially freaked me out after getting engaged. The prospect of planning a wedding, was what really freaked me out. I’m not the girliest person in the world and when I was a collegiate member of Alpha Gam planning parties and recruitment events were painful for me. I just don’t like that sort of thing. After about a week of blind panic, I ended up buying Emily Post’s Wedding Planner and sitting down with one of my most level-headed girlfriends, Alyssa on a Saturday morning.

In the Snow February 2009

Since I’m a computer person, spreadsheets, websites and other stuff makes me feel like I’m in control. So, Alyssa and I used Google Docs and Google Calendar to create a time line for when I need to get stuff done, according to what Emily Post says. If you’re a person that loves lists, Emily Post’s book is definitely for you – she breaks it down month by month and includes check boxes next to each item.

My other main worry is that I don’t want to be the girl who talks about nothing but her wedding, so I’ve mentally picked a couple of friends to gush about wedding stuff with. That way, my chatter is kept in check.

What have you guys done to keep organized during a wedding? How have you kept the Bridezilla at bay?

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Hiya internet! This is my new blog home where I talk about writing, technology and organization. So, go ahead and bookmark this for future reference and watch for updates.

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